4 words: hood of his car
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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