did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
