Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm both gender and math confused
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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