i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
