I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
