tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
