remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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