She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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