I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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