i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
