I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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