thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
