Already got asked if we're dating
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
