we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
