Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
