I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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