hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
