You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I smell stomach acid.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
