Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
