GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
