he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
