Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
