you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Pants are for mortals
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
