Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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