theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
