i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
