omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
