Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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