I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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