Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
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