If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
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