roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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