porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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