It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
