I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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