i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
