it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
