Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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