the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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