question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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