your thong is hanging out like whoa
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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