Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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