Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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