I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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