I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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