I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
