I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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