how do flat chested girls get laid?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
