I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
