ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
